


bye bye blackbird

by kecleon



Category: Strange Men (Video Games), The Crooked Man (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-10
Updated: 2018-01-20
Packaged: 2019-03-02 16:56:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13322496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kecleon/pseuds/kecleon
Summary: There wasn't anything left for him here. All Duke needed was to go through with his plan, and then everything would be okay.





	1. The Apartment

Tired.

That was all he felt.

Emotionally, physically, and mentally tired.

His hand quivered as he held the pencil over the page. What was he supposed to say? There was no one to say goodbye to, no one to blame except himself. He had no family, no friends, no girlfriend. The only person who would read this would be whoever moved in here next. Or maybe the landlady. If he bothered to bring this pathetic excuse of a goodbye with him, maybe a paramedic or a cop, if he was ever found.

His hand quivered as he began to write.

__

_"Ever since she went away, I’ve spent every night clutching my sweaty pillow and writhing._

__

_I can't say goodbye. What other choice do I have?"_

Duke put the pencil down, inhaling deeply. He wasn’t sure if he should even bother anymore - all there was to say was that he had been miserable for so fucking long and that he couldn’t take it anymore. He wanted to die. He wanted to kill himself and be done with everything. No more failures, no more abandonment, and especially no afterlife. He wasn’t needed anymore - not by anybody. He was too stupid to pursue his dream job - a lawyer - and wasn’t even able to hold a mediocre job at a grocer. If he couldn’t handle something as simple as organizing stock and handing back correct change, why should he even bother to exist anymore? What was the point of even writing a goodbye?

Rubbing his fingers over his eyes, Duke let out a soft sigh. He was so exhausted, even just from crying. His eyes were so red and raw he doubted he could cry anymore, even if he needed to.

 _Why the fuck am I like this…_ he thought to himself, staring blankly at the sheets in from of him.

“Our special place…Tch.”

That’s when Duke had a thought.

He wasn’t interested in living much longer, but he could take a few detours along the way to his mother’s house, or his final resting place, as he had deemed it. It seemed fitting; dying where he grew up, in a place where he was loved - or at least felt so, at the time.

He would go to their special place - the hotel that he and his ex-girlfriend had spent so much time at together. The place was closed down now, but that couldn’t stop a visit. It didn’t stop her from leaving Duke when he suggested they go there to talk, to sort out their issues. Didn’t stop her from leaving him when he needed her most.

Then he would go to that damned school - the Julius Stone Law School. To the place where no matter how hard he tried, he was too stupid for his teachers and classes. Too stupid to realize that he’d never achieve his goal, and his dreams were just that - dreams.

Hell, he might as well visit the hospital where he was born, the same one his mother died in, just to say a final goodbye to that wretched place. If only he had died during childbirth, or if he could go back in time and kill himself as a child. Then he wouldn’t have to be dealing with any of this. The existing knowledge that he’s nothing; just a pathetic deadbeat.

A tear fell onto the page, jerking Duke out of his thoughts. It burned his already too raw eyes and he quickly wiped away the wetness. He scowled at himself for being such a baby. That was what had caused this in the first place.

_“You’re so… needy, Duke. You’re too sentimental and don’t try. You just want to please everyone, and it’s disgusting. Why can’t you try and be an individual for once?”_

_“I -”_

_“I don’t want to hear it, Duke. We’re done. To be honest, we’ve done for awhile.”_

_“C-Can’t we talk about this? I… I can change -”_

_“You always say that! You always say you’ll stop being such a crybaby, stop needing constant validation that you aren’t a fuck-up…”_

Duke remembered distinctly how she sighed as though the world weighed on her shoulders just from talking to him. How she turned around on her heels, avoiding eye contact as she left.

_“Goodbye, Duke.”_

_“B-But…”_

He had watched her walk away. Watched her leave, just like he had with everyone else. Now he was alone, and it was his fault.

Pathetic.

Useless.

Waste of air, waste of space.

Duke stood up, taking a sharp intake of air as he ripped out the page from his notebook, crumpling it up in his fist. He’d leave the day after tomorrow. First he’d need to tell the landlady. Whoever moved next could have his furniture - anybody moving into this dank apartment would likely appreciate it. Next he’d need to prepare a couple days worth of travel necessities, as it would be unlikely to reach the places he wanted to see before leaving within a day.

His heart was racing, but he knew this would be for the best. Duke wasn’t interested in the afterlife - to be honest, it creeped him out a bit - but if anything, this would hopefully ease his passing, if there was such an ordeal. Final goodbyes to the most important places in his life, ending at his childhood house…

There wasn’t a better way.

Maybe he’d find reasons why things turned out this way. Why he turned out to be such a failure. Why he could never do enough, never be good at anything. Was he predispositioned for this life, or had he fucked up somewhere along the way?

At this point, it didn’t really matter. It was more so out of a detached curiosity than anything, as there was nothing left to stop him.

There was nothing left for him.

All he had to do was hurry up and kill himself.


	2. Hotel Ruhenheim

_“Hotel Ruhenheim. Giving you a serene stay.”_

The sign was starting to erode, but Duke could still make out the letters. His fingers grazed the sign, and tiny flakes of paint fell onto the grass. He couldn’t quite remember when the hotel had been shut down, but it hadn’t been long after… _she_ left him.

Giving the door a push, Duke expected resistance, but instead it opened with a loud creak.

_I guess they just… abandoned it completely? Unless its been broken into before…_

As he stepped inside, Duke felt an overwhelming sense of dread wash over him.

He hated this place.

He hated every single memory he had here.

It almost felt like the building hated him back. The air was musty, as if a layer of dust hung within it. The only source of light was from outside, streaming in from the windows. Even then, it was still dark and foreboding.

A shiver ran up Duke’s spine. It was eerie, being here alone. When he and… _her_ , had spent time here, there usually had been at least a handful of people, not including the building staff. There was always some people loitering in the lobby, chatting about whether they should go to the bar or to the library. Now it was empty and silent, dust covering the reception counter.

He hadn’t really anything in mind to do while he was here - just to look around and hopefully find a hint, a clue, _anything_ , as to why he ended up this way.

He walked past the reception counter, noting how the office door was locked shut with barbed wire. Peculiar, but thinking back, the hotel manager had always been rather odd, with the employees complaining about weird locks and passwords in whispers. It never seemed to affect anyone but the staff, so Duke’s guess was that they had all finally gotten up and left, leaving the manager and the hotel to rot.

Or maybe the manager had finally snapped, leaving behind some crazy puzzle pointing at his whereabouts, hoping that someone cared enough to find him.

Not that it mattered to Duke.

He knew nothing except for what he had heard via whispers and late night drunken complaints. No point in looking for someone so unpredictable.

_No point in looking for a dead man either._

Duke frowned at his thought, searching through unlocked rooms (few as there were) as he tried to focus on something other than random disappearances.

He’d soon become one himself, but no point in weirding himself out over it.

He reached one of the upstairs rooms, and as he opened the door, he was immediately met with the smell of dust and moldy furniture. This room was one of the less smelly ones thankfully - some of the others had been almost nauseating.

Walking in, Duke scowled. He knew this room, and he couldn’t help but despise it.

It was _her_ favourite room.

Ignoring his immediate urge to turn around and leave, Duke walked over to the dresser, avoiding eye contact with the mirror. The last thing he wanted to look at was himself. Instead he crouched down, focused on looking through the drawers, hoping that he’d find something to help him. It didn’t matter if it was just a scrap of paper, he’d take anything that would give him some insight on why everything had gone to shit.

When he had finally searched every drawer and cabinet, and even under the bed, and still came up with nothing, Duke returned to the dresser, collapsing into the chair and resting his head in his hands. She had meant so much to him, and he had driven her away. All the time they had spent together was nothing now, and all because of him.

_Why? What am I even looking for?_

He sat like that for several minutes, breathing heavily as he restrained himself from crying. He had found nothing except an overbearing emptiness; feelings of regret and dread. There was no reason for him to be here - there was nothing for him. He hadn’t found out why things turned out the way they did.

All he knew was that he was alone.

Rubbing his eyes, Duke pulled out his notebook from his satchel, hands shaking as he placed it on the dresser before him. Whenever he felt overwhelmed he would write or doodle, aiming to calm himself down, or at least make himself feel less upset.

“ _It was our special place._

_She loved the pretty room with its big mirror._

_She would wonder what to wear for dinner.”_

Duke sniffled, rubbing his nose on his sleeve. Fuck his appearance.

“ _But now it’s just me._

_I thought it might help to come here, but it didn’t._

_There’s only emptiness.”_

Staring at the chicken scratch in front of him, Duke hesitantly peeked up at the mirror.

Disgusting.

Bags under his eyes, skin pale and sickly, with messy black hair - he looked frail and pathetic.

_That’s exactly what I am, isn’t it?_

Standing bolt upright, Duke ripped out the notebook page and tossed it across the room, just narrowly missing a trash can. _She_ would call him pathetic for all of this. _She_ would call him a crybaby, an idiot who can’t grow up and realize how useless he is.

_She_ would tell him to hurry up and kill himself instead of dawdling around.

Leaving the room, Duke was determined to hurry up his little expedition, so there was no point in trying to bust open doors and hunt for clues that didn’t exist. He didn’t need to search table to table in the bar, or rip open books that held nothing for him in the library. He had learned all that he would here. 

There was doubt starting to set in the back of his mind that any of this was worth it, but he needed to know. He needed to make sure there was nothing left, and all loose ends were tied.

* * *

Once outside and near his car, Duke glanced back towards the hotel, sighing softly. Another note was crumpled in his hand. 

_“I don’t need her memory anymore._

_I know she won’t come back, so I have to forget everything, good and bad.” ___

____

____

One stop down, two to go.

**Author's Note:**

> This fandom has barely anything, and nothing for my favourite dead guy, so I deliver. Updates will probably take some time, so please be kind _(:3」∠)_
> 
> Thank you for reading + comments + kudos! ✌️


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